Swallow My Pride...

As this is my first blog post, I'll introduce myself. My name is Brittany. I'm 24 years old, a student, a part-time barista, a wife of 2 years and a mother of 9 months. I love my life. I love my job. I love my friends. I adore and cherish my family.

My husband and I both work hard for what little we have and what we want. We were obviously married 18  months before my darling daughter came into this world, and yes she was planned. We are right where many are at our age, working on our future careers and starting a family. As far as finances, we are not loaded, but we make an okay amount of income for the time being and are very cautious when spending it. We realize how fortuante we are to even have jobs right now.

Now, to my story.

I hate grocery shopping. Hate it. When we got pregnant, I heard from some co-workers that I probably would qualify for some help financially. I looked into it, and we applied for and started receiving WIC. When I was pregnant, the groceries I received from WIC were basic dairy and vegetable products to keep my vitamins and calorie intake up. Now that the baby is eating food other than breast milk, it extends to baby foood. I'm not going to lie. No baby could ever eat the amount of baby food provided to our family monthly. At first I thought the amount printed on the checks were a mistake. Until I got more checks for the next month and there was even more on those. There are times I don't cash them in at all. I will only be receiving the help for 3 more months, but if I stopped now, I'd say our cabinets would be stocked for another 2-3 months at least.

Now let me tell you where I am at on this. I don't view myself as a "moocher." I work. It just so happens I fall right into the monthly income bracket for those who are eligible for assistance.The way I feel about it is that I pay my share of taxes just like everyone else who works. This means I contribute to other people who find themselves in need of help. This makes me feel almost 90% alright about taking any help I, myself, can receive that will ease the financial burden of my family as much as possible. This way there is more money to go for baby clothes and diapers and other things we need. Who wouldn't want this for their family?

As I said, I HATE getting groceries. That 10% of my conscience left over that makes me uneasy about using the assistance is mostly caused from fear of judgment at the check out line. Even as I grab my groceries I more often than not am hiding the checks in my purse when I look to see what's next on the list. I am not proud to use them. However, I can't let myself be too proud to NOT use them.

So today, another trip to get WIC. I am dreading it, but today I make the conscious effort to hold my head high and not care what others are thinking. If my face doesn't turn bright red in the check out line, I've succeeded. I get to the line. I organize everything separately like I have to. I was willing to warn anyone behind me that the amount of time it will take to check out my five different transactions may be longer than they're willing to wait. Luckily, no one got behind me until the cashier was ready to get ringin'.

The cashier starts by commenting about how long this might take. That was not the way I wanted this to begin. After the second transaction, I was holding up well considering my usual state at this point. Then I hear clear as day the old woman and man behind me start moaning and groaning. She says something about it being ridiculous.He says something about the way there is something wrong with this country. I hear his words and think, maybe if he looks at my eyes he will see me as a person. I look back at them, calling them out on their words with my honest gaze. I apologize to the woman for the wait. She comments on how she is already ten minutes late. I feel my face start to show my shame. I tell myself there are plenty of people who buy weeks worth of groceries in one trip and take just as long to cash out as I am. I don't see a difference as far as the waiters are concerned. And honestly, is it MY fault you're running late?  Absolutely not.

I'm thinking these people in no way know me. If they were smart they would see I am obviously in my work attire and look like I've been working all morning. They should be able to see I'm married. Plus, it is the holiday season. They're probably good church going people. They've probably gotten a break from someone here or there. They're seriously going to judge someone they don't know?

Also, I don't think it is right for people to look down on people like me in this instance and yet think it's great to go extreme couponing. If you've ever seen any episode of the TLC show about it, you'll know those people often times don't need the 30 things of toothpaste or other ridiculous amount of something that they get. They get it because they love a deal. Seeing as nothing is free. The money they are saving is only making the cost of things increase. This means, just like people pay taxes that pay for MY WIC, they are also paying for you to use those coupons to get your 20 free fly swatters.

To contintue... I tell the cashier I appreciate him for his time because I know it was rough and he wasn't afraid to show it. He leaves me with "It's a good thing you don't have to pay for all this. It would really be expensive." I say nothing. I swallow my pride one last time thinking how uncalled for that was but knowing he wasn't thinking ,and it was probably an innocent remark on his part. I hold my head up and leave.

Let me tell you, I completely respect opposing opinions. I respect the perspective these people were given from their circumstances and life events to lead them to judge me. I am not taking this too personally. I'm just sharing how hard it is for good people to accept help. In these times it is happening a lot. Everyone should be aware that if nothing else, it is RUDE to talk about someone like that. At least wait for me to leave.

As far as the amount of which I can get on the checks, I don't always get all that I can and I will be giving what we don't use to my dear friends who have a baby who is 6 months younger than mine. (They are also hard worknig people who are married.)

Like I said, this is not the first time I've felt ashamed leaving the grocery store. There have been times where I've cried to myself as soon as I got to my car. This time I told myself I would not cry, and I haven't. I will say, I am unsure if I will ever use my checks again.